


A Blue Polo Shirt

by meadoweyes



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Bonding, Let him live, M/M, References to Depression, color prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 11:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meadoweyes/pseuds/meadoweyes
Summary: Evan wasn't exactly someone who wanted to stand out.So, what was he thinking when he changed out his usual grey shirt for a blue polo? Because now he was starting to instantly regret the attention and glances he was getting thanks to it, his anxious thoughts only growing with each set of eyes landing on him.The last thing Evan expected was to catch the eyes of Connor Murphy, even if it was because they literally ran into each other.





	A Blue Polo Shirt

Evan was never really the kind of guy who liked change. Why? Well, that was easy; because it meant having to deal with new things. Things that were uncharted, mysterious, beyond his control, things that only made his mind become even  _ more _ hazy with thoughts worrying about every single factor being out of his hands.

 

So why didn’t he think of that when he wore this  _ very  _ noticeably blue polo shirt? He thought maybe it would be nice to wear something that wasn’t white or grey today, so he chose this one. But after he noticed the first few glances, he immediately started to regret his decision and the urge to hide away and never been seen again seemed like the best idea in the world at this moment. Were they good stares? Bad ones? Did they look because the color looked okay on him or were they looking because he looked ridiculous? He’d never know and it made his heart pound a little faster in his chest in the most sickening way.

 

Alana told Evan not to worry too much about what other people think, that it’s just people natural instinct to notice a change in their environment. When he asked what that exactly meant, she just pointed out that he usually wears neutral colors most often, so when he wore something with actual color on it, people were bound to notice. He didn’t know how true that way but considering half of Alana’s classes are AP, she had to know what she was talking about.

 

Evan quickly tried to remind himself about that as another pair of eyes landed on him as he walked by, his hands immediately reaching for the hem of his shirt as he nervously fidgeted with it. This wasn’t supposed to happen. All these eyes weren’t supposed to be on him. He hastily turn the corner to a hall that was usually less crowded, wanting to have a moment to himself before he made his way to lunch.

 

His body suddenly crashed into another person full force, both of them letting out noises of surprise even though one was more aggressive and one was softer. Evan took a step back while clutching his head, taking a second before his eyes widened as he realized what he did.

 

“I- I’m so sorry! I-I didn’t mean to, really!” A flood of apologies immediately came flooding out of his mouth as he looked up to see the slightly taller guy in front of him who looked  _ much  _ more intimidating than your typical high schooler, his irritated expression not helping his case. He must be Connor Murphy.

 

“There’s a whole hall! How can you-?!” Evan immediately shrunk back at his words, causing a tired sigh to leave Connor’s lips, even though the annoyed expression remained. “Look, don’t worry about it, okay?” His tone was still just as harsh too.

 

“Right! Right…” Evan offered him a nervous smile followed by a quiet laugh that was obviously meant to break the tension in the easiest way possible. A person passed by the two of them and Evan warily noticed their eyes glance at his shirt for a second before they continued past him, his eyes falling down onto his shirt as he started to remember the whole reason he was down this hall anyways. He noticed how noticable some of the blue stripes were and how it appeared so bright against his own skin tone, a combination that basically screamed for attention. Connor rose an eyebrow as he crossed his arms and watched Evan suddenly seem like he wanted to disappear, his eyes trying to curiously observe his expression without actually leaning down to see them. Evan nervously gripped his shirt again as he started to nervously fidget with it, gazing back up at Connor and found himself not even able to put on a fake smile.

 

“I’ll...go to lunch now.” He answered quietly before taking a step forward to leave, Connor’s hand suddenly grabbing his shoulder and Evan felt his stomach twist and whether it was a good or bad sign, he was about to find out. Connor gently pushed Evan back into his original spot with a tired sigh, earning a faintly curiously and confused expression from him.

 

“I don’t usually ask this because I could care less but… You doing okay?” Connor asked, his tone getting slightly softer the more he spoke, although it was obvious he was still trying to keep his apathetic attitude up. Evan found himself glancing at the wall next to them as he bit the inside of his cheek and tried to fully process the situation.

 

So. He was here. In the hall. With Connor Murphy. The loner of the school who brushed off the small amount of people who would try to talk to him and would get bullied for no reason other than he didn’t socialize. The same Connor who’s asking Evan if he was okay. Something didn’t add up. There was no way he cared about Evan. They barely knew each other.

 

“I’m fine. Everything’s great. Just..Just another day at school.”

 

“Don’t give me that.”

 

“W-What?”

 

“You act like I didn’t see how you looked at your shirt just a second ago.”

 

“I just...thought I saw some ink on it.”

 

“Right.”

 

“How did this turn to talking about me? I-I barely know you..!”

 

The second of silence that fell between the two of them after that immediately made Evan’s heart jump to his throat, his hands starting to fidget as Connor simply kept his eyes on him.

 

“I- That wasn’t- I’m sorry.”

 

“I asked because I know how you feel.”

 

Evan’s fidgeting stop as he blinked at Connor in response.

“You do?”

 

“Oh, yeah, trust me. You feel like everyone’s eyes are on you all the time. You’re worried about how you look, how people think of you, if you’re doing this right or wrong…” Connor waved his hand dismissively as he listed off what actually went through Evan’s head on a daily basis. He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear as he leaned against the wall next to them, his eyes glancing back to Evan. “Right?”

 

“Right.” Evan replied back softer than he meant to, not expecting Connor to ask him if he was okay, let alone list off what was always on his mind form the moment he woke up to the moment he went to sleep.

 

“I used to be that way. Before I moved here with my sister, I was a pretty anxious kid.” Connor glanced down at the floor as he wondered why he even said that to a guy he only knew from English class. Why he was saying any of this to Evan. Usually he never spoke to anyone, let alone talk about his past.

 

“Did you get over it? From what I’ve seen and heard around school, you don’t really seem that nervous anymore.” Evan spoke up, bringing Connor back to reality as he returned his gaze to him.

 

“Not really. Kind of replaced my anxiety with another problem, actually.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“I became depressed.”

 

The sentence hit Evan like a truck, his blood running cold for a second as he wondered what he should say or if he should place his hand on Connor’s shoulder or something.

 

“You’re fine, you don’t need to say anything.” Connor interjected Evan’s thoughts, causing him to swallow his nervousness and simply give a nod in reply. Evan never really had the chance to discuss his disorders with anyone so it was only worse whenever someone tried to talk to him about theirs. His mom never let him get tested for whatever reason she had in her head so he only had a rough idea that he had anxiety and depression and even then, he hated to say he had them since self diagnosing was something people were usually for or against. To make a long story short, having both of them was a wild ride that left him exhausted each day.

 

“Does your family know?” Evan asked curiously, his heart dropping a bit at the annoyed expression Connor gave the question.

 

“They don’t care. Especially my dad. They think it’ll pass, you know, usual adult bullcrap they tell themselves to sweep a problem under the rug.” Connor twiriled one of his hoodie strings around his finger to try and distract himself from taking any annoyance out on poor Evan, hoping he’d change the subject very soon. Screw it, he’d take it into his own hands. “You?”

 

“Oh… My mom- She tries her best to help and understand. She’s suggested me writing letters to myself to help so there’s that.” Evan let out a humourless laugh while Connor let go of his hoodie strong and crossed his arms across his chest, giving a small nod to let Evan know he’s listening.

 

“Yeah. Really sucks being the only ‘sad’ one of the house. My sister is just a ray of sunshine.” Connor rolled his eyes before tapping his fingers against his arm to try and not go off into a rant about how his parents viewed his sister as the perfect angel while he was the ‘problem’ teen. “She’s not, by the way. She’s just not depressed so they love that crap.”

 

“I understand. Well...kind of? You know what I mean, right? Because if not-”

 

“Wow, you really are a mess.” Connor teased with the faintest ghost of a smile on his lips, Evan simply giving an awkward laugh and a nervous smile while he shrugged his shoulders a bit.

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

“I asked about you, you know.” Connor gently jabbed a finger into Evan’s chest as Evan tried to bring himself out of his thoughts, the faintly glossy look in Connor’s eyes suggesting he was doing the same thing. What was he thinking about?

 

“About my shirt?” Evan asked before he realized he only  _ thought _ about his this whole time and didn’t actually talk to Connor about it. He found himself messing with the collar of his shirt while trying to find the words he wanted to say about it without making it seem like he was some pathetic person. “Well, this is the first time I’m wearing a shirt like this. And people have been looking all day and it just...really makes me freak out.”

 

“Oh, that’s right. You usually wear your white or grey shirts, don’t you?” Connor’s eyes observed Evan’s new shirt he was wearing, Evan’s face suddenly feeling a bit hot being underneath Connor’s gaze before he blinked in surprise at the question.

 

“I- I do. How did you know that? I know we have English class together, but I never thought I’d be the kind to stand out. I...guess that’s the reason I wear those colors, though.” Evan let go of his collar as he let out another faint laugh to help ease the conversation ahead and so that he didn’t seem too serious.

 

“Not to sound sappy or anything like that, but I notice you all the time in class.” Connor casually said as he tried to pick off the already chipped black nail polish on his thumb, leaving Evan to try and cool down his very warm face by placing a cold hand on one cheek in a weak attempt. “You never really answer the questions out loud in class, but when you do they’re always right. Then you get this dorky smile on your face for a few minutes afterwards and try to hide it. You don’t talk much in group projects, but you always turn your work in. And I remember once your pencil lead broke, so you kept pushing your eraser top for more to come out while you had your tongue out a little and you did it for like- a minute straight. When it finally came out, you let out a tiny ‘yes!’ and-” Connor couldn’t keep down the small fit of laughter he was fighting back, a small snort leaving him as he covered his mouth to try and muffle out his laughs. Evan simply looked at him with slightly wide eyes and slightly parted lips, wondering if it was normal to feel your heart race at a certain laugh and for it actually feel...nice. Connor’s laughs slowly died down as he let his hand fall back down to his side, his expression turning to one of slight worry at how quiet Evan was being after Connor basically confessed he watched him more than he should.

 

“English goes by pretty slow.” Connor defendly flatly to save himself from being hurt, Evan quickly holding his hands up with raised eyebrows.

 

“No, no, don’t take it back!” Evan felt himself quickly interject while trying to recover from his deep red blush, not even realizing the smile of amazement on his lips. “I- I...have a lot of stories like that too. More than you think.”

 

Connor felt his face suddenly heat up more than he expected it to and his heart started to pick up pace in his chest, causing him to wonder if he suddenly got sick from someone. He felt fine, though. He felt...great, actually.

 

The bell suddenly broke the silence between them, Evan slightly jumping in his spot while Connor shot the deadliest glare at the bell right next to them. High school. Gotta love it.

 

“You know,” Connor gave Evan a sly smile, which caused the poor boy’s breath to get caught in his throat before Connor continued what he was going to say. “Next class is English. Which means we can walk together. If you want, anyways.” He casually shrugged his shoulders to try and convince himself that he wouldn’t be hurt and disappointed if Evan said no, even though it’d actually be like a punch to the stomach.

 

“That sounds nice. Really nice.” Evan let out a breath of a laugh at his luck as he looked at Connor, who found himself blushing even more at Evan’s gaze. Evan hesitated on something for a second, leaving both of them to awkwardly stand in front of the other before he suddenly wrapped his arms around Connor and pulled him into a tight hug, burying his face into Connor’s hoodie.

 

Connor simply stared ahead in shock for a second while he tried to process what Evan was doing to him, the warmth from Evan’s body causing a warm feeling to envelope him before butterflies formed in his stomach. It took him a second before he realized he should probably return the hug, Connor quickly wrapping his arms around Evan and pulling him even closer before giving him a gentle squeeze.

 

Maybe that shirt wasn’t such a bad change after all.

**Author's Note:**

> what is UP, my friends. I just wanted to write a calm and casual thing for Evan and Connor and so this was born. I've just been..dying to make a tree bros ever since I discovered the pairing and now here we are!!


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